“I just need you to be more AVAILABLE!” How many times have you heard…or felt… that one? Or “I just want someone RESPONSIVE to my needs!” Of course you do. Here are some definitions that might help clarify what all that really means:
“Secure attachment relationships are characterized by conscientious, even painstaking availability and responsiveness-physical, emotional, and relational-which goes so far as to include appropriate self-denial and self-sacrifice for the other’s well-being.
Availability is defined as a partner’s willingness to care about and engage with all aspects of the other and also willingness to both disclose and receive personal information to allow shared knowing and accessibility/availability of the whole person to the other.
Responsiveness is defined as a person’s empathy for the other, acceptance and valuing of the other, and the person’s trustworthiness to be a “gentle holder” of his or her partner’s inmost, vulnerable self, including holding personal information private. Such behaviors stem from a deep welfare regard and represents an unencumbered, unconflicted ‘being for’ the other.”
Yes, and yes.
Butler, M.H., Harper, J.M. & Sedall, R.B. (2009). JMFT, 35 (1), 125-143.